Choosing a teacher.

Pitfalls, pop-tarts and mayonnaise. 

If you are looking for someone who levitates 10 feet above the ground, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Newsflash: teachers are human, too!

There is no perfect recipe for finding a competent, embodied, and compassionate teacher. This being said, there are a few things you may want to look out for. Below are more questions than ready-made answers. But asking the right questions can go a long way. 

Mindful Mayonnaise?

Over the last decade, mindfulness has become a mainstream cultural phenomenon and something of a buzzword that is showing up in many aspects of our daily lives. Did you know that Barbie meditates now? That’s right, and she’s called Breathe with Me Barbie! And the LEGO company also wants to teach you mindfulness through building with legos.

A quick search of the word “mindful” on Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP site returns over a thousand results. You can learn how to create a mindful closet or find resources to help you become mindful ‘on-the-go,’ or even brush your teeth with a mindful oral care kit. After you’ve eaten your Mindful Mayo sandwich. Yes, that’s a thing. Pheww! That’s a lot of mindfulness. Or is it just noise?

On the one hand, it’s fantastic that meditation is becoming more mainstream, more normalized, less weird. Increasing research does show the benefits that people can reap by developing a mindful practice (something meditators have known for a long time!). On the other hand, all this proliferation can create confusion and can dumb down the practice. Furthermore, mindfulness as a professional field is still very much emerging and remains unregulated.

Practitioners who have trained for a long time in contemplative contexts might be suspicious of the “professionalization of mindfulness” and the commodification that this can promote. Yet, these phenomena are here to stay, likely because they speak to a deep need in society.

Some companies sell mindfulness teacher training credentials literally in a box, obtained over a weekend or less, while others have been training teachers for decades. Yet even time put in is no guarantee of teaching excellence by itself. If you want to learn meditation, how can you discern the effectiveness of a teacher? What should you look out for and consider in your search? Here are 10 tips.

1. A teacher is first and foremost (always) a student.

2. A mindfulness teacher is a slow bake, not a pop tart.

3. Embodiment is where it’s at. Learn to spot it.

4. Try an appetizer first.

5. Cultural competency and relatability: they matter.

6. It’s a team thing, too.

7. Recommendations can help. But let your gut have the final say.

8. Beginner’s mind: stay teachable.

9. You’re in charge.

10. Branching out.

How does a teacher describe their own journey as a student? Does their bio include specific information about their training and the credentialing they have been granted to teach? 

If the person trained with a particular organization, does that organization belong to a professional network? Does it publish its ethical standards? Does the teacher training path of the organization look rigorous and does it take time? Does it include ongoing supervision or mentoring?

Does the person’s bio sound a bit hyperbolic, or does it sound honest and fact-based?

How long has the teacher had a consistent daily practice? What do they know about sustaining a long term practice over time? Are they in their enthusiastic honeymoon phase with meditation, or is their practice a tried and tested long term marriage that they can speak to?

Have they sat long silent meditation retreats?

Continuous training and on-going supervision matter. What are they doing for their on-going development as a teacher? And with whom? Are they accountable to mentors, supervisors and communities of practice, or are they operating in a vacuum?

They might have some savvy marketing in place, but is teaching mindfulness a calling for them? Is there substance and a long-term commitment behind the personal brand? 

Usually, the more people train and deepen their practice, the more they realize how little they know or have mastered. Does this teacher have a sense of humor, or do they take themselves (overly) seriously? Are they comfortable telling you about their most recent act of mind-less-ness?

While formal training might make a big difference, embodiment matters even more, and these two things are not always correlated. What do we mean by embodiment? Here are a few questions you might ask yourself.

Does the teacher seem grounded, with a strong quality of presence? Do you feel calmer when you are around them? 

Do they hold their positional teaching authority with skill?

Are they humble and authentic?

Does it feel like they are right there with you in the work?  When you're practicing with them, do you feel like they're also practicing shoulder to shoulder, or are they focused on playing the role of being a teacher? 

Do their answers to questions seem candid, or do you feel like they're teaching from a manual? Does it feel a little bit formulaic, or does it feel real?

When somebody asks the teacher a question, do they immediately answer? Or do they dig a little deeper, become self-reflective? Do they ask a question back and take their time before responding? 

People bring their whole life experience to their practice and to their teaching. Like meditating, teaching in itself is a practice. 

A good way to get a grasp on a teacher’s embodiment before signing up for a class is to go to a class orientation (there should always be one for an MBSR course), or to find another way of connecting with the teacher prior to your first class. Schedule a phone call or send them an email and see how they respond. Listen to any public talks or podcasts they might have published. 

Trust your gut. Do you want to learn from them? Do you want to spend the next several weeks practicing with this person? 

As with other important relationships in life -- therapists, health-care providers, life partners -- try dating before committing, and “shop around.” If you’re getting a funky feeling about a teacher but you can't put it into words, that by itself is enough information. Move on. They might be a great teacher, but for whatever reason, they are not likely a great teacher for you.

Some teachers can have great experience, training, and technical skills, and even strong embodiment, but still lack cultural competency.

What would it take for you to feel at ease with a teacher – to feel seen and understood even if they do not share your life experience? In terms of your own personal background and social identities, does who you train with matter, and in what way?

A good teacher will bring their life into their practice, and teach from experience. But we don’t all have each other's experiences in terms of race, gender, class, sexual orientation, ability, age, immigration status, culture, and so on. Other life experiences and background can also significantly shape our approach to mindfulness, such as being a parent, dealing with illness, or caring for elders. 

Ideally, it’s helpful to find someone who you can relate to and who relates well to you. This could mean making sure that you have some things in common with the teacher. Or not. Know what’s important for you. 

Sadly, we don’t all have the luxury to find teachers who share similar experiences. Nevertheless, there can still be a sense of connection. And when the connection fails for whatever reason, a receptive teacher can demonstrate the ability to really hear your concern and then do something about it. So, if they don't share your exact background, are they curious about your life experience? Are they able to hold it and re-calibrate their instruction, taking your experience and wisdom into account? If a micro-aggression happens in the group, do they handle it with skill, especially if they are the originator? 

Setting up the conditions for mindfulness is not just about the “right course” and the “right teacher” - it’s also about the group. Your peers are your learning companions; in the long run, they can have just as much of an impact as your course and your teacher, if not more. Listening to peers, we become comfortable with our own experiences. Speaking we peers, we can share struggles that we feel unsure about sharing with the teacher just yet.

You might find that you cannot always relate or connect to the teacher; but there is still value in being seen and understood by your peers.

Most people find it hard to develop a practice on their own. Having peers and a collective momentum of support and accountability, can make a huge difference. You might not like everyone in your group, but chances are you will appreciate everyone in a particular way. That appreciation comes from being in the mindfulness trenches of life together as a learning community; and it builds up over time.

Talk to people you trust; get recommendations and find out if they’re based on personal experience. Listen carefully to what your friends or a health-care provider have to say; but at the end of the day, this is for you, and you are in charge. Take recommendations seriously, but remember that projections are common, and some people gush over teachers for questionable reasons. That great teacher for your cousin Sally is not necessarily a great teacher for you.

It is a common trap to chase the experience of other people instead of having and trusting your own. Which brings us to…

Learning mindfulness is simple but it is not easy. Learning mindfulness is also experiential: how can you understand what a teacher is sharing with you, before you actually learn it for yourself? 

The key is to be teachable. Finding an effective teacher includes deciding to be a teachable student.

A teacher might compassionately challenge you at times, inviting you to see something new about yourself. Can you be receptive to that? Can you offer them the benefit of the doubt? Can you accept that this process might take some time? Can you stay open?

Learning to practice mindfulness is not about consuming the information that a teacher delivers. It requires patience, curiosity, and a willingness to receive. 

The “bad” news and the “good” news are both the same: You are in charge. What does this mean? No one can “meditate for you.” Although people can inspire you, no one can literally make you mindful; it’s something to uncover or be receptive to for yourself. A skilled teacher and good companions can support the process and give you signposts. Yet only you can put in the work. Ultimately mindfulness cannot be bought or acquired; it can only be discovered and welcomed into your life.

If you are struggling with a meditation practice, reach out and work with a teacher to find variations or different ways to engage. You should always be made to feel like you have choices and options. The practices are meant to be invitational. This is especially the case for programs like MBSR, MBCT and MSC. If that is not the message you are getting, then the teacher you’ve chosen may not be the right fit for you.

Remember that you're always in charge and have agency. That might include making a change.

If you are locked into one particular embodiment of the practice, you might miss the value of hearing other voices and learning from other lived expressions of the practice. Some teachers are very skilled at helping people kick-start a practice, while others really help us out when the honeymoon is over and we hit new bumps on the road.

Different teachers can support us at different times in our lives. Most seasoned practitioners have learned from a range of teachers over the course of a lifetime. Don’t worry about a teacher’s ego! At some point, it’s fine, expected and natural to branch out!

© MML Editorial Team, 2021